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Filtered from the School Faculty
Sep. 26th, 2007 02:24 pm...Mng. This penalty isn't how I really feel. I dislike the fact that it makes me feel this way, regardless.
I can't help but feel guilty every time..... Setsuo looks at me, and then flinches, because he sees me glaring at him. How... Souha seems to back away slightly, when I look at him. How I haven't even seen Kirih-... Kanna, in quite a while, regardless, but only because I know I'll end up snapping at her, if I do.
Luckily, I haven't seen any of the fourth one, so I'm somewhat glad, on that part.
I wish I could make myself feel something past hatred. But it's honestly hard to, when I feel disgust... Keh. Look at me. I'm really pathetic, when I'm thinking about things like this. All because of what? Because someone who is obviously mentally unstable decided that I ruined his life, and thus needs to pay for it? I spent well over a year making that brother of mine start to accept me, and now that he does, I have to go about hating him!?
I wonder if I could blame the universe on that one, actually. It looks like its' style of torment, honestly. Ironic.
And then there's my cousin. One of the few people I even spoke to, before I was allowed to go to a school where there were others. Innocent. Kind. Incredibly annoying. I should be irritated at him, not despising his existence.
...And then there's Kirih-... Kanna. I think something is wrong with my head... I can't really remember much about her, honestly. I know well that I know her; reading through my previous entries is more than enough proof of that... I know that I care about her. But the actual memory of that seems to be gone... Mr. Jigokubana probably did something to me. It was probably during the actual duel, than anything... It's honestly saddening, though a bit contradictory to his penalty.
Why make me hate someone he made me forgot, really? That's something I'd like to know... There's a lot of things I'd like to know, about this.
But most of all, I'd just like to stop falsely hating other people, at the moment. It's becoming distracting.
I can't help but feel guilty every time..... Setsuo looks at me, and then flinches, because he sees me glaring at him. How... Souha seems to back away slightly, when I look at him. How I haven't even seen Kirih-... Kanna, in quite a while, regardless, but only because I know I'll end up snapping at her, if I do.
Luckily, I haven't seen any of the fourth one, so I'm somewhat glad, on that part.
I wish I could make myself feel something past hatred. But it's honestly hard to, when I feel disgust... Keh. Look at me. I'm really pathetic, when I'm thinking about things like this. All because of what? Because someone who is obviously mentally unstable decided that I ruined his life, and thus needs to pay for it? I spent well over a year making that brother of mine start to accept me, and now that he does, I have to go about hating him!?
I wonder if I could blame the universe on that one, actually. It looks like its' style of torment, honestly. Ironic.
And then there's my cousin. One of the few people I even spoke to, before I was allowed to go to a school where there were others. Innocent. Kind. Incredibly annoying. I should be irritated at him, not despising his existence.
...And then there's Kirih-... Kanna. I think something is wrong with my head... I can't really remember much about her, honestly. I know well that I know her; reading through my previous entries is more than enough proof of that... I know that I care about her. But the actual memory of that seems to be gone... Mr. Jigokubana probably did something to me. It was probably during the actual duel, than anything... It's honestly saddening, though a bit contradictory to his penalty.
Why make me hate someone he made me forgot, really? That's something I'd like to know... There's a lot of things I'd like to know, about this.
But most of all, I'd just like to stop falsely hating other people, at the moment. It's becoming distracting.
